Today was the annual Nyan Cat Parade in Taddletown. Crowds gathered outside the Town Hall and as the clock struck twelve, Nyan Cat himself came bouncing down the street with his famous rainbow flag following after him and declared the start of the parade. He lead the parade along its traditional route from the Town Hall to the Park, going via Royal Avenue (where King Taddle was watching) and round The Square. This year he lead it round the square three times, because Nyan Cat is enthusiastic sometimes.

The parade consisted of a diverse mixture of Taddletowners. Cats, dogs, bunnies, hedgehogs, and all the other animals who live here were represented. For the first time this year there was even a young polar bear. The crowd that lined the streets was equally diverse, and everyone cheered and celebrated.

In the Park after the parade there were fun and games for all, including a bouncy castle (which was particularly enjoyed by the young polar bear) and the day was concluded with a concert, lead by the Taddletown Brass Band. After that, a few of the revellers went to Tinsel Box while everyone else went home for a well-deserved rest.

This reporter is not ashamed to say that he ate quite a few pop tarts and still has a bit of rainbow face paint on his cheeks.

I love Nyan Cat Day! – William, a kitten with two mothers

It was lovely being allowed to wear my uniform on the parade – Roger the Rotweiller, police dog.

Day. It’s not just because Nyan Cat himself is such a lovely chap, but it is because of what it represents. You see Nyan Cat’s rainbow and the rainbow flags we all wave aren’t just about cheerful colours (although they are cheerful) and the celebration isn’t just about having a great time (although we all do have a great time).

The rainbow represents diversity, and Taddletown is such a diverse place. We have cats and dogs and bunnies, and hedgehogs, and mice, and foxes, and a tiger, and all sorts of others living here, and we just all get along. Nobody says they don’t want a badger as a neighbour, and nobody ever lost their job because they were a giraffe.

My friends, we should never forget how remarkable this is. Humans, in all their sillinesses, never seem to get this right. They seem to waste so much time fighting with each other, instead of celebrating their differences (although many humans are learning).

Every colour has a place on the rainbow flag, just as everyone has a place in Taddletown. Long may that continue.

Ever wishing to expand my horizons, I decided to visit the Giant’s Causeway, on the north coast of Northern Ireland, so I packed my fish paste sandwiches into my backpack and set out. My first port of call was the new visitors centre, which apparently took a very long time to build (for reasons that I can’t understand). The visitors centre had an exhibition that explained a lot of the history of the Giant’s Causeway, including several theories about how it was formed. I was disappointed to see that there was no reference made to the story about Neep (the god of sleep in Penguinian legend) made the Causeway out of Lego. Although I don’t believe it, for balance the information should have been presented.

After the visitors centre, I walked down a path and past some funny hexagonal rocks. They looked quite comfortable, so I positioned myself on them and ate the aforementioned sandwiches. Then I got a bit carried away with myself and spent a few hours pretending I was Q*bert. It was starting to get late,  so I asked a passer by where the Giant’s Causeway was. I must admit I’m getting really tired of humans who are surprised when I ask them questions.

Eventually I realised that the hexagonal rocks were the Giant’s Causeway. I was a bit disappointed. I was expecting something more giant. They were quite interesting though, and it was fun pretending to be Q*bert.

In conclusion I can say the Giant’s Causeway is worth seeing, but not worth going to see.

Pictured on the day of his graduation from Teddy College, Reginald Augustus shows off his degree certificate.

Yesterday was the first day of the annual full Congregation of the University of Taddleonia; in other words it was graduation day. The ceremony, held as usual in the Great Hall of Taddletown Castle, started with a speech from Dr Monarch, the Vice Chancellor (and keeper of the University Clock) and then  many hard-working students received their degrees from none other than the Chancellor of the University, King Taddle himself. This year, the first college to graduate was the Royal Teddy College, which is still the only college in the world where teddies can study the art of teddying to degree level.

At the close of the ceremony, the Taddletown Brass Band played the University song followed by the National Anthem. Afterwards, there was a garden party where everyone enjoyed strawberries and cream.

I’ve already got a role lined up. I start on Wednesday.
—Reginald Augustus, Master of Teddying (Taddl.)

It reminds me of my own graduation.
—Boris J Beaver, DipSW (Taddle Poly.)

Mmmm, strawberries!
—Mottle Furry, LLB (Taddl.), rotund cat

This reporter is not ashamed to say that he wishes all the new graduates the best of luck in their new careers.

It is no great secret that I still cuddle my faithful teddy bear, Custard, every night. He looks after me as I sleep, and has always been there when I have needed him. I know many of you also have at least one teddy. Teddy bears guard us and protect us, often equipped with nothing more than some stuffing and a great deal of courage. They remind me of human social workers who do a similar sort of job and who also have my respect.

To all the new graduates of Teddy College, I offer my heartiest congratulations, and may you go out into the world, spreading love and safety.

P.S. I hope that the teddy in Sweden is reunited with its human as quickly as possible.

Related articles

• Swedish police appeal to find missing teddy bear – picture (digitalspy.co.uk)

The London Underground appears to be confused as it’s also Overground – Chilly Manchot, Taddlegraph Travel Writer. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dr Johnston said when a man is tired of London he is tired of life. I don’t know who Dr Johnston is, but I don’t think he said anything about penguins. However, I know I am not tired of life, so I thought I’d better have a look at London to see what it was like.

The first thing you will notice when you arrive in London is that it is big. It is very big. There is a river that runs through it and my first instinct was to get around by swimming in the river. However, I thought it looked a bit mucky, so I tried the London Underground instead. The London Underground is not, as I first thought, the part of London where the moles live. It is a train network that goes underground. Most of the time anyway. At one point I was on a train that was above the ground, so I think it got a bit confused.

There can be no denying that winter is cold, and there can be no denying that nothing warms you up quite like apple pie. Yes, Taddletown’s annual Apple Pie Contest was held in the Town Hall yesterday. This year there were over 400 entries, in the traditional four categories.

As always the judging panel was lead by our mayor, Morris Morys, who said “The standard is always very high, but this year it is even higher. I may have to loosen my belt by a notch or two by the time this is all over!” After several rounds of judging, when all five of the judges carefully sampled all of the entries, the prizes were awarded as follows.

I’m so proud I won. I’ll be putting the trophy on my mantlepiece when I get home Elizabeth Jones, Winner of Best Apple Crumble category

A tummy full of apple pie makes me feel safe and secure Pierre Valiant, a seal

This reporter is not afraid to admit he ate so much apple pie and custard that he had to lie down for a little nap when he got home.

Friday was a perfectly normal day for me. I woke up, I put my crown on, I got out of bed, I got dressed I had my breakfast, and after doing some work  I went out for a walk at lunchtime. As I walked through Taddletown I met people, said hello to all my old friends and all my new friends, and generally had a pleasant social experience. When I got to the park, I watched all the kittens playing. As you would expect, all the kittens were playing together. Nobody cared who was a cat, or who was a dog, or who was a badger.^*

It made me so happy.

Why would something so ordinary make me happy? Friday was an ordinary day in Taddletown, but it wasn’t an ordinary day for the humans. Friday was the humans’ Holocaust Memorial Day. Humans, as you know, don’t always get on the way Taddletowners do. Sometimes they do the most frightful things to each other just because one human is different from another. On Holocaust Memorial Day the humans remember all the times when humans have been killed for being different, and they promise to do their best to stop such things ever happening again.

Some of our best friends are humans, and that is why, just after breakfast, I did something I don’t normally do. I lit a candle in the entrance hall of the Castle. That candle was to remind me that it was Holocaust Memorial Day. As I walked through Taddletown I was very pleased to see that many people had put candles in their windows too. Let us all hope that one day humans will learn to be like us, and dreadful things like killing someone just because they are different never happen again.

* Human editors note: In Taddletown, “kitten” means “young animal of any type”. Taddletowners talk about kitten dogs and kitten humans in much the same way as we would say baby dog or baby.

This man owns a lot of Eindhoven

By Chilly Manchot, our travel correspondent

“Chilly,” my editor said to me, “would you like to take a short trip to the continent?”

“Well, what penguin wouldn’t?” I replied, and so I packed my suitcase and was off on my adventures again, this time I was heading to the Netherlands.

I arrived in Amsterdam, which is a city with a reputation. Being brave, and wanting to tell the truth about the city, I decided to explore it. Not everything you have heard is true, dear reader. While they do have many tulips, the do not allow you to water ski on the canals!

Of course, there is more to the Netherlands than just Amsterdam, and once the police let me go, I looked at a map. The map makers had helpfully labelled the better parts of the country, so I got on a train and headed to the part marked ‘Best’. I missed my stop, but undaunted I got off the train in a town called Eindhoven. While it wasn’t ‘Best’, Eindhoven did appear to be pretty good.

In Eindhoven, there is a man called Philip. He seems to own a lot of the buildings there, and has written “Philips” on them so everybody knows they are his. Naturally I wanted to chat to Philip, but nobody was able to tell me how to find him, although everybody told me he was a very kind man.  Fortunately, just before I left,  I found a statue of him, and I took a photo. I waved goodbye to him as I went into the station to get a train to the airport. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I think he might have waved back at me.

I liked the Netherlands and I hope to visit again.

To mark World AIDS Day 2011, the Taddlegraph decided to catch up with Absalom Furry, a kitten who is living with FIV.

Nurse Ruth: Hello, Absalom. Thank you for doing this interview.

Absalom: Hello. It’s my pleasure, and please call me Abs.

NR: Certainly, Abs. Tell me, what is it like living with FIV?

A: Mainly it is the same as living without FIV, except I have to take pills every day, and sometimes I get a bit sick.

NR: What happens when you get sick?

A: The same as when you get sick, but the FIV means it takes longer for me to get better. If I have the sniffles, it might last a whole week, rather than a few days. It’s OK though, because Maudie looks after me.

NR: How many pills do you take?

A: I take three, every day. I take them when I get home from school. When I started taking them, they made my tummy feel a bit funny, but I got used to them. My pills help to keep me healthy.

NR: What is it like for a human to have HIV?

A: I think it’s kind of the same. I have a human friend, called Michael, who has HIV. He takes his pills every day too, and they help to keep him healthy. He doesn’t go to school any more, so he takes his pills at bedtime.